What’s sex got to do with it?
by Gaysian Nation
Apparently, a whole lot.
Because as it turns out, I have developed a slightly interesting pattern of behaviour around drugs and sex. And rock’n'roll. But before I continue, I know that drug use is a huge taboo for most people. Even in 2012, when certain peeps find out that I am a friend of Dorothy and MJ, they freak. They take a step back, give me a once-over and dramatically proclaim: “Really? You??”
Um… have you met me?
Most people try to uncover the “reasons”. They get over the gay part quickly, because let’s face it, you try to tell me that it’s a phase and chances are I’ll turn around and walk away. Or throw my scalding hot and mildly burnt Starbucks in your face. But the taboo-ness of pot is always a little surprising. Now, I don’t sit around in my room and do bong hits every few hours, or even everyday. Hell, I don’t even own a bong! But occasionally, I do partake in the mellow effects of cannabis sativa. And that’s that.
My relationship with drugs has been pretty tame. I’ve never done anything more intense, and I don’t have the urge to do so. Like with alcohol, and like with mostly everyone else on this planet, we all use either alcohol or drugs to satisfy a part of ourselves. We enjoy the buzz, we need to relax, we want to forget the day happened, or we need some inspiration. We each have our limits and sometimes you have to trust yourself to experiment with those limits (like with sex, romance, relationships, etc). That is, if you have the freedom to do so. The golden rule for me is everything in moderation.
But the pattern that I speak of is sort of two fold: with the pot smoking, it’s the creative trip that I crave. With the sex, it’s the freedom from intimacy.
My mind soars in all sorts of directions when under the influence. My bland ideas become epic, stupid, crazy, and sometimes genius. I document them first (which is a very long process), and then afterwards I sort through them, edit, play, and workshop some of the ideas with colleagues. Overall it’s a productive process, and a while back I made a deal with myself that when it stops being productive, I stop doing it. It took some time to get to this agreement with myself, but I actively sought out ways to get something out of the experience. I’m proactive like that. But I do have to add: I am in no way advocating drug use. I am of the belief that what works for me may not work for you, and in no way am I trying to make it out to be something “amazing” or “cool”. I am someone who has learned (after making several mistakes in life) to make extremely informed decisions. If there is anything that I do advocate, it’s that: informed decision making. And always wear sunscreen.
That being said, onto the sex!
First-off: what kind of person are you to come and read about a complete strangers sex life?
OBVIOUSLY, a fun person! Someone who likes to relish in the insecurities and banalities of a dude from Toronto! A Gay dude! A Gay-Asian dude! Double minority points!
What I have uncovered, after days and days of self analysis (teehee, anal-lysis), is that I can’t seem to get it up for guys that I like. And by like, I mean, have an emotional investment in. Romantically. I know, it’s weird and sort of personal… and looking back, I should have noticed it a lot sooner because it started when I was 19. But in my defence, I am sometimes very obtuse. So, I am sure that it’s a thing in some sexual-psych guide, but right now it’s sort of brand new and funny and I think I should be on TLC as a case study on some show about sex. Gay sex. Gay Asian sex. Ha!
But in all seriousness, I do believe that it comes down to that dreaded “insecurity” factor and my fear of emotional accountability. My usual sexual practices are very much momentary: there are no strings attached, because my chosen partners and I have made specific agreements. We are what some of you kids call “friends with benefits”. We hang out, do the deed, have some awkward chit chat and then peace! But with a guy you’re dating, there is so much more pressure, and as someone who has never done it that way before, when I do, I’ll be sure to videotape the entire thing and relay to you all step by sexy step what when wrong where and how we worked it out. Because a good sex life is imperative to a healthy relationship.